Funeral directives - Honouring your legacy and saying goodbye

Most people don’t like talking about funerals. But having a clear plan is one of the kindest gifts you can leave your family.

A funeral directive lets you decide in advance how you’d like to be farewelled – and makes things much easier for the people you love at a very emotional time.

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Step 1: Clarity

  • A funeral directive is a written record of your wishes about:

    • Burial or cremation

    • Religious or cultural practices

    • The type of service you’d like (or not like)

    • Music, readings, or special requests

    • How you’d like your life to be celebrated.

    At Ross Holmes Virtual Lawyers Limited, we see funeral directives as an important part of planning for the future. They help your executors and loved ones understand what you want, instead of having to guess or argue about it later.

  • Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. Funeral directives can help make the process more meaningful and memorable by allowing you to express your wishes for how you would like to be remembered.

    Your loved ones can honour your legacy by carrying out your wishes and saying goodbye in a way that reflects your values and wishes.

    By doing so, they can find comfort in knowing that they are fulfilling your wishes and celebrating your life.

A close-up of two people holding hands outdoors during sunset, with trees in the background. One person is wearing a plaid shirt with a fur vest, and the other is wearing a beige sweater with a plaid shirt underneath.
A close-up of two people holding hands outdoors during sunset, with trees in the background. One person is wearing a plaid shirt with a fur vest, and the other is wearing a beige sweater with a plaid shirt underneath.

Step 2: Planning your farewell

  • Planning your own funeral may feel confronting, but it can be a real act of care.

    Your funeral directive can cover things like:

    • Burial vs cremation

    • Where you’d like to be buried or your ashes placed

    • Type of service (religious, non-religious, private, public)

    • Who you’d like to speak, read, or be involved

    • Music, readings, or cultural customs that matter to you

    • Any requests about flowers, donations, dress code, or photos.

    Making these decisions now:

    • Reduces stress and confusion for your family

    • Helps avoid disagreements between loved ones

    • Lets people focus on grieving and remembering you, rather than trying to work out what you “would have wanted”.

The open rear of a hearse carrying a casket with a floral arrangement inside, parked outdoors with trees and sidewalk in the background.

Step 3: Communication

  • A funeral directive only works if people know it exists and can find it.

    We recommend:

    • Giving a copy to your executors

    • Sharing it with your close family or whānau

    • Letting your trustee company or professional trustee have a copy (if you have one)

    • Keeping a copy with your will and estate planning documents

    • Telling your loved ones which lawyer holds the original.

    This helps ensure that:

    • Your wishes are known quickly after your death

    • Your family and your executors are all working from the same clear instructions

    • Your farewell reflects your values, culture, and beliefs.

    Work with Ross Holmes Virtual Lawyers Limited

    You can:

    • Use DYOdocs to prepare your own funeral directives at a discounted cost, and/or

    • Ask Ross Holmes Virtual Lawyers Limited to:

      • Review your DYOdocs funeral directives

      • Prepare bespoke funeral directives for you

      • Make sure your funeral wishes align with your will, EPAs, and any trust or asset planning.

  • Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. Funeral directives can help make the process more meaningful and memorable by allowing you to express your wishes for how you would like to be remembered.

    Your loved ones can honour your legacy by carrying out your wishes and saying goodbye in a way that reflects your values and wishes.

    By doing so, they can find comfort in knowing that they are fulfilling your wishes and celebrating your life.

A close-up of two people holding hands outdoors during sunset, with trees in the background. One person is wearing a plaid shirt with a fur vest, and the other is wearing a beige sweater with a plaid shirt underneath.
Red neon light in the shape of a question mark on a dark wall.

Frequently asked questions about funeral directives

  • A: It gives you peace of mind that your wishes for your funeral and final arrangements are clearly recorded. It also reduces stress, confusion, and disagreements for your loved ones at a very difficult time.

  • A: Yes. You can change your funeral directive at any time. It’s important to review it from time to time and update it if your wishes, relationships, or circumstances change.

  • A: You should share it with:

    • Your executors

    • Close family or friends who are likely to be involved in arranging your funeral

    • Any trustee or professional adviser who helps manage your estate.

    They need to know it exists and where to find it.

  • A: In some situations, a funeral directive may not be followed, for example if it conflicts with the law or is challenged. Getting proper legal advice and making sure your directive is clear and consistent with your will and other documents helps reduce this risk.

  • A: Yes, you can include funeral wishes in your will. However, it’s often better to have a separate funeral directive as well, because wills are not always read immediately. A separate document is easier to locate quickly and share with family and your funeral director.

Disclaimer: This page provides general information only and is not legal advice. You should always seek professional legal advice about your own situation before making any decisions about funeral directives or your wider estate plan.